Coaching Corner: The Inner Dialogue

Lately, I’ve been coaching leaders around a theme we all wrestle with: inner dialogue.

Here’s what’s coming up for me—our inner dialogue can get us into trouble if left unchecked. It can quickly fuel assumptions, misunderstandings, and cause us unnecessary stress.

For example: imagine you send your boss an email and she doesn’t reply for two days. Your inner dialogue might start writing its own script: “She’s ignoring me…no, maybe she's upset at something I said. No wait. It's worse! She hates the project idea and wants to fire me!” 

By the time she finally responds with, “Thanks, this looks great,” you’ve already wasted hours of energy in a story that wasn’t true.

Instead of letting assumptions run the show, try asking: “What information might I be missing?” Maybe she was in back-to-back meetings. Maybe her inbox is overflowing. Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe you can just circle back with a phone call.

Questions create spaciousness—and more discovery.

And yet, even with good questions, our minds love to spin stories. Decision-making can quickly turn into worst-case-scenario theater. The “doom reel” plays on repeat, convincing us everything is about to fall apart.

When that happens, pause and reframe: “Yes, that could happen. But what opportunities might show up if it does?”This isn’t about toxic positivity. It’s about moving from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. Big difference.

Of course, behind many of these stories is the voice of our inner critic. I've named mine, good 'ol Nelly. This voice is quick to play it safe. She doesn't whisper, she screams—“Don’t do that, people will think you don't know what you're doing!” My come back is a muscle, "Nice try, Nelly. I hear you, I appreciate the warning, and I have it from here."

Naming your critic makes it easier to laugh, thank them for their unhelpful advice, and move forward anyway. When we start noticing these inner derailers, we get better at managing them. And as we grow in our own capacity to be coached, we naturally grow in our capacity to coach others.

That’s the CaPeesh way—growing minds and hearts so leaders can show up human, resilient, and real. The next time your inner dialogue tries to run the meeting, pause. Name it. Maybe even give it a nickname. Then choose a response you can stand behind.