The Dirty Truth About 'Accountability'.

How We Need to Reclaim Repair as a Core Practice in Leadership & Life

What I've found to be true is that many feel they do accountability relatively well. On occasion, we might own up to missing the mark. We sometimes apologize and even promise to “do better.”

The dirty truth is that we often leave out a few important elements that are the glue to repair. This is why many relationships become brittle and dissolve. It's okay...I'm sharing because I've skipped on these, too.

Here's what we've missed:

1. We forget to name or get curious about the impact.

2. We forget to changing behavior.

3. We forget to circle back to see if we've made things right.

Without these steps, accountability becomes a performance—well-intentioned but incomplete. Over time, the absence of true repair doesn’t just leave wounds open; it teaches people not to trust because it's just too risky.

We Will Miss. The Real Question Is: What Happens Next?

Being human means we will fall short many times over in our lifetime. Our responsibility is to hone our art of relationship. Whether we're someone’s partner, parent, friend, colleague, or leader—it's not about being perfect. We need to be practitioners of repair. To notice, name and come back to wholeness as quickly as possible.

What Makes Repair So Hard?

Many of us didn’t grow up learning how to repair. In leadership, we’re taught to project certainty. In families, we may have been taught to brush things under the rug. In romantic partnerships, we often wait for things to “blow over.”

In all these spaces, vulnerability is often misread as weakness. Saying “I was wrong,” “I see how I hurt you,” or “Can we try again?” feels risky. But the truth is: repair is not a threat to love or leadership—it’s what deepens it.

We Can Do Better...here's how:

1. Naming the impact

   “When I said that, I imagine it made you feel unseen.”

   “When I didn’t follow through, it probably made you feel alone with the weight.”

2. Changing the behavior

   Not just promising to do better, but actually doing something different. Noticing patterns and taking real steps to shift them.

3. Following up to restore trust

   “I’ve been thinking about what you shared. How are we now?”

   “Does it feel like I’ve made things right?”

This is repair. This is leadership. This is love in action.

Always hopeful,

Char